but I don’t want to…..

30 Sep

So I have to tell my little one he’s gonna get shots today.  He’s almost four so I know he knows what that means and he’s not gonna like it.  I have waited until the last minute because I just didn’t want him to stress about it.  I will have to remind him that it’s something that has to get done and it’s not meant to hurt him, but to help him.  I will explain with the most loving of words that I would never let anything bad happen to him and to trust me.  And he will.

Isn’t that what God does to me?  First of all, He doesn’t always let me know what is going on right away.  Maybe because He knows I WILL STRESS about it.  Then He lets me know what needs to happen.  He goes on to remind me that it’s not meant to hurt me, but to help me.  He explains in the most loving words that He loves me and asks me to trust Him.  And then I don’t.   (Aaahhhh, maybe that’s what He meant about having child like faith.)  I still ask why.  I still ask if there is no other way.  I still try to find solutions of my own.  Meanwhile, God asks me, “Do you trust Me?”  I say, “I do”.  Then He asks, “Do you really?”  My claims of trust then turn into pleas for more faith and the removal of any doubt.  It’s easy to trust God when things seem to be going right.  Now when things seem to be going wrong, that’s another story.  It reminds me of a few lines in the book I am reading right now…. 

“Would you be willing to trust me,” he asked, “even if everything in the wide world seemed to say that I was deceiving you- indeed that I had deceived you all along?”

“…Will you suffer yourself to lose or to be deprived of all you have gained on this journey to the high places?  Will you go down this path of forgiveness into the Valley of the Loss, just because it is the path I have chosen for you?  Will you still trust and love me?”

God’s promises are real and He is faithful.  I know He knows me inside and out and that His way is always the best way, even when it doesn’t make sense.   

Later in the book, the main character quotes Job, “Though He slay me, I will trust Him.” (Job 13:15)  I love that scripture.  I want to live that. What do you do when you feel yourself lacking in the trust department?  How do you get yourself back to where you need to be?


One Response to “but I don’t want to…..”

  1. Julie October 1, 2010 at 9:11 pm #

    I love Proverbs 3:5,6! I memorized those verses when I was in high school and I probably repeat it to myself at least once a day! To answer your questions…I’m not sure I’ve figured it out yet, but spending real, quality time with God helps a great deal =)

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